I keep trying to foster a healthy relationship between Siri, our passive-aggressive navigation system, and Viktor, our 33 foot long RV. <\/p>\n
It’s not going well.<\/p>\n
Viktor:<\/strong> Good morning, Siri. I need to go this next leg of the journey all on interstates, avoiding these small back roads, please.<\/p>\n Siri:<\/strong> Recalculating route.<\/p>\n Viktor:<\/strong> Wait, this takes me through four 1-lane, unpaved streets and across someone’s front lawn! Can we fix that?<\/p>\n Siri: <\/strong>You said you wanted the shortest route. Recalculating.<\/p>\n Viktor:<\/strong> OK, how about the fastest route instead? <\/p>\n Siri:<\/strong> Recalculating.<\/p>\n Viktor:<\/strong> (Surveying map.) Um, this takes me through the Holland Tunnel at rush hour, a ferry, under at least 2 low clearance bridges, a private road and a herd of migrating bison. That’s tough to do with my size and height.<\/p>\n Siri:<\/strong> Sigh. That is the fastest route. Recalculating.<\/p>\n Viktor:<\/strong> Do you have a setting that eliminates shortcuts, and just takes the most straight-forward way?<\/p>\n Siri:<\/strong> I’m sorry, but I’ll have to check the Internet for that.<\/p>\n Viktor:<\/strong> (Under his breath) That’s where I would start….<\/p>\n Siri:<\/strong> Recalculating.<\/p>\n Viktor:<\/strong> (Glancing over the third route.) Ok, this seems better to start, but it looks questionable at the end. Is there a way to fix just that part?<\/p>\n Siri:<\/strong> Oh don’t worry. I will secretly recalculate you periodically throughout your journey just to mess with your head and to prove to you that my knowledge is superior to your so-called “needs.” It’s like a survival skills test which you miserably fail.<\/p>\n Viktor:<\/strong> Wait! No! I have someone following us so we need to be on the same route!<\/p>\n Siri:<\/strong> It seems like you need more than a navigation system for this particular trip, Viktor. (Under breath) And life in general.<\/p>\n Viktor:<\/strong> You’re right about that much. Right now I’ll start with Jake from State Farm to help me get un-wedged from this Dunkin’ Donuts drive thru bypass that I know can’t be a real driving direction you gave me…<\/p>\n Siri:<\/strong> (Evil cackle.) Recalculating….<\/p>\n <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I keep trying to foster a healthy relationship between Siri, our passive-aggressive navigation system, and Viktor, our 33 foot long RV. It’s not going well. Viktor: Good morning, Siri. I need to go this next leg of the journey all on interstates, avoiding these small back roads, please. Siri: Recalculating route. Viktor: Wait, this takes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[2],"tags":[104,102],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-dN","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":584,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/07\/18\/the-day-siri-died-or-why-i-havent-returned-your-call\/","url_meta":{"origin":855,"position":0},"title":"The day Siri died or Why I haven’t returned your call","date":"July 18, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"This is the last transcript between Siri and me before she met her untimely demise. Me: Siri, please give me a list of kayak rentals in the Gulf of Mexico. Siri: Of course, Gorgeous. I have found three locations very close to you. 2 hours later. Me: Siri, weather report\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":787,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/06\/28\/not-the-best-travel-guide-in-the-world-but-itll-do\/","url_meta":{"origin":855,"position":1},"title":"Not the best travel guide in the world, but it’ll do","date":"June 28, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Alright, enough messing around. We really have to get semi-serious for 6 minutes to pull this off. It's logistics day, and I'll take just a minute to provide some real details on the trip planning before we get back to our regularly scheduled nonsense just in case anyone was looking\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/06\/robes2-300x225.jpeg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":778,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/06\/24\/hallsfallsmallsandbaseballs\/","url_meta":{"origin":855,"position":2},"title":"#HallsFallsMallsandBaseballs","date":"June 24, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"It is time. Well, it is time to begin the countdown to the time of actual departure, anyway. In this episode, Thelma and Louise, Butch and Sundance, and the 11 offspring and travel companions will embark upon this year's offseason adventure: The Halls, Falls, Malls and Baseballs 2018 Tour. In\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":811,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/07\/04\/a-wet-day-4\/","url_meta":{"origin":855,"position":3},"title":"A Wet Day 4","date":"July 4, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"When we look back on the days of this vacation, there will no doubt be some highlights as well as some lowlights. Day four was quite a mixed bag. Highlight: The Pro Football Hall of Fame! As promised by our sweet hashtag, The first Hall of Fame was enjoyed (briefly)\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/IMG_8232-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":853,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/07\/19\/beantown\/","url_meta":{"origin":855,"position":4},"title":"Beantown","date":"July 19, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"We rolled into Boston licking our wounds, as in the bites, stings, stabs, disembowelments, or whatever the native Maine insects inflicted upon us over the last four days. They are intense little buggers, that's for certain. So a couple of nights in a hotel was just the respite we needed.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/IMG_8387-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":868,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/07\/27\/follow-the-chocolate-brick-road\/","url_meta":{"origin":855,"position":5},"title":"Follow the Chocolate Brick Road","date":"July 27, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"A wise man once said, \"Give me chocolate or give me death.\" Hershey, Pennsylvania opted to give us both. Ok, maybe no wise man ever said that, but I do know two very wise women who recognize when they've met the natural end to an amazing adventure. After almost three\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/IMG_8414-2-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=855"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":858,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/855\/revisions\/858"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=855"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=855"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=855"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}