{"id":761,"date":"2017-02-13T15:16:16","date_gmt":"2017-02-13T15:16:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/?p=761"},"modified":"2017-02-13T15:16:16","modified_gmt":"2017-02-13T15:16:16","slug":"just-when-you-thought-it-was-safe-to-answer-your-door-during-cookie-season-my-husband-and-i-discuss-sales-strategy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2017\/02\/13\/just-when-you-thought-it-was-safe-to-answer-your-door-during-cookie-season-my-husband-and-i-discuss-sales-strategy\/","title":{"rendered":"Just when you thought it was safe to answer your door during cookie season, my husband and I discuss sales strategy…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Him:<\/strong> What\u2019s with the thousands of cardboard cases in the garage? Did you go to the wine store today?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> No. Duh, wine store day is Friday and it\u2019s only Tuesday. No, they\u2019re cookies.<\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> ? <\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> Girl Scout Cookies. I thought I told you, I\u2019m Cookie Mom again this year.<\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> (Choking in shock.) Didn\u2019t we just settle the lawsuit from the last time you were cookie mom?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> Statute of Limitations. Or something. And it\u2019s Cookie Mom with a capital C.M.<\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> I call capital B.S. Isn\u2019t this like your 4th or 5th time? And do we even still have a kid in Scouts?<\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong> I re-signed her to a limited contract before the trade deadline. And it\u2019s my 11th. Or something.<\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> And don\u2019t you dislike this experience?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> Immensely. But I was nominated.<\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> (Scoffs.) By people who have never met you?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> Obviously. Nor did anyone read the coffee mug I was drinking that said, \u201cWorld\u2019s Worst Cookie Mom.\u201d <\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> Maybe the Chardonnay you were day drinking out of said coffee mug should have also tipped them off.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (Ignoring him.) It was a Sauvignon Blanc because I\u2019m classy. (Pausing.) I\u2019ve decided to take my sales approach in a different direction. <\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> By way of the insane asylum where I\u2019ll be residing while you lament over spreadsheets and Pinterest?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> No, although if you want to see my epic pins on booth decorations at Kroger, that can be arranged. I was thinking of a more direct, aggressive sales perspective.<\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> What\u2019s wrong with the passive-aggressive posts you\u2019ve left on the neighborhood ListServ you\u2019ve always relied on in the past?<\/p>\n

Me: <\/strong> (Smiling sheepishly in recollection.) Ok, maybe I\u2019ll save that tactic as well\u2014I got an extra half dozen boxes from Mrs. Kravitz last year telling her they were an appropriate snack for the neighborhood pond fowl, Ron Swanson. (Shaking off the pleasant reverie.) But I was thinking about really embracing the project more. Going really big\u2014flyers, billboards, sales incentives. A multi-level social media campaign. Really connecting with my inner Thin Mint.<\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> Why not your inner lemon cookie because you\u2019re really starting out fairly sweet but I know you\u2019ll be bitter in the end.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (Gazing upon the endless sea of cookies beached in the garage.) Or you could just Do-Si-Do over to that blank order form and bring it to work and get the majority of sales from your coworkers while I get creative with all of the excess inventory I\u2019ve overbought?<\/p>\n

Him:<\/strong> (Sighing resignedly as we both knew it would end up in this vein from the beginning.) <\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (Relieved.) Now hand me some more boxes of the shortbread. I\u2019m breading some tilapia for Ron Swanson with it.<\/p>\n

\u00a92017 Tracey Henry<\/p>\n

Previous thoughts on Cookie Mom-ming<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Him: What\u2019s with the thousands of cardboard cases in the garage? Did you go to the wine store today? Me: No. Duh, wine store day is Friday and it\u2019s only Tuesday. No, they\u2019re cookies. Him: ? Me: Girl Scout Cookies. I thought I told you, I\u2019m Cookie Mom again this year. Him: (Choking in shock.) […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[2],"tags":[102],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-ch","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":371,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/02\/12\/cookie-mom-tour-ii\/","url_meta":{"origin":761,"position":0},"title":"Cookie Mom: Tour II","date":"February 12, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cPerhaps it was because I had never been a Girl Scout. I guess we couldn\u2019t afford the fancy Brownie uniform so my mom enrolled us into the lesser-known, knock-off Campfire Girls. Instead of selling the famous cookie, our fundraiser came in the form of kindling and matches. It wasn\u2019t nearly\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":357,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/01\/31\/2014\/","url_meta":{"origin":761,"position":1},"title":"2014","date":"January 31, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"My one and only post for January, 2014 is a revision of my New Year\u2019s resolutions since the year is off to a shaky start. 1.) Post daily. Post weekly. Turn on the computer. 2.) Be the best Room Mom ever. Try not to piss off the whole class. Try\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":368,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/02\/11\/dulce-de-leche-and-strawberry-ice-cream-cake\/","url_meta":{"origin":761,"position":2},"title":"Dulce de leche and strawberry ice cream cake","date":"February 11, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You could really use this technique with any combination of ice creams and cookies, but try this one\u2014it is very refreshing and unique. Dulce de leche and Strawberry Ice Cream cake Crust: 12-15 dulce de leche cookies 6-8 shortbread cookies 3 T. butter, melted Pie: 2 pints strawberry sorbet (Haagen-Daz\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/IMG_2562-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":335,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/12\/20\/a-holiday-with-a-twist\/","url_meta":{"origin":761,"position":3},"title":"A holiday with a Twist","date":"December 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"This is a post from way back in 2006 on what I'll be doing tomorrow. My sister called me early last Saturday morning. \"What's up, Sister Diva?\" I asked. She heaved a sigh before answering. \"It's German Twist Day.\" We both genuflected. I spoke quickly, knowing we didn't have much\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":213,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/08\/15\/deviled-eggs-benedict\/","url_meta":{"origin":761,"position":4},"title":"Deviled Eggs Benedict","date":"August 15, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"One of the very best happy accidents of this new venture has been how much more crowded my kitchen has become. As soon as I mentioned the new blog to my friends, they have jumped right in offering recipes, taste-testing, opinions, and wine-glass filling. The test kitchen has become my\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/me-and-Mik-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":286,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/11\/08\/scotts-biscotti\/","url_meta":{"origin":761,"position":5},"title":"Scott’s Biscotti","date":"November 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Lately I\u2019ve been making a lot of healthy brain food that doesn\u2019t taste like salmon. Here\u2019s a biscotti recipe that I adapted from Ann Burrell that incorporates whole nuts, berries and dark chocolate in a not-so-sweet cookie for breakfast or dessert. She dips hers into a chocolate ganache, but I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/IMG_2280-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/761"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=761"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/761\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":763,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/761\/revisions\/763"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=761"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=761"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=761"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}