I thought it might take a little longer, but Day 3 was the moment Louise tried to kill me.<\/p>\n
I should have known something was amiss when she returned to the campsite with a trail of cheap wine from Walgreen’s that led to the back of a rented white U-Haul cargo van. The fact that it was 9:30 in the morning didn’t tip me off so I suppose that’s on me. When she locked me back there–without the wine, I might add–I did wonder why there was a metal mesh barrier between the front and the back like some sort of prison transport; and concluded that she must be planning to knock me off quickly and then dispose of my body in the creepiest vehicle ever for rent for $19.95 per day in the metropolitan Kansas City area.<\/p>\n
But no, she had other plans. <\/p>\n
The metal grate and lack of adequate seating for the 8 CHILDREN SHE LOCKED ME BACK THERE WITH was soon eclipsed by the rising core temperature of our bodies in the sweltering heat can that is the rear seating area in July. At times, she’d yell for us to duck because we were passing law enforcement and didn’t really want anyone in authority to do a body per seatbelt (or seats for that matter) count, but we had passed out from heat stroke long ago. We were so dehydrated we had ceased the ability to make urine, so at least there were no good Samaritan worries at bathroom stops and we arrived to the baseball game undetected and unconscious. <\/p>\n
I joke, because Louise actually saved countless lives today by having the brilliant idea to rent the creepy van instead of me trying to maneuver the RV through the city streets. This resourcefulness came after we were told that Uber didn’t come out this way, there were no car rentals open over the weekend, and no cab service. She drove like a boss and earned kid street cred as they watched their mother bend a few rules to take us all to a double-header Royals game and KC Sporting MLS game without having to attach and reattach the sewer hose 8 times in a single day. <\/p>\n
So three cheers for Louise!<\/p>\n
Let’s all toast her with some of that cheap Walgreen’s wine she’s so fond of.<\/p>\n
–Thelma<\/p>\n
(I’m having trouble in the picture department uploading at the moment or there would be visual evidence of Louise’s malfeasance. Keep checking Facebook for those photos.)<\/p>\n
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I thought it might take a little longer, but Day 3 was the moment Louise tried to kill me. I should have known something was amiss when she returned to the campsite with a trail of cheap wine from Walgreen’s that led to the back of a rented white U-Haul cargo van. The fact that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":648,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/IMG_3236.jpg?fit=2448%2C3264","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-aW","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":778,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/06\/24\/hallsfallsmallsandbaseballs\/","url_meta":{"origin":678,"position":0},"title":"#HallsFallsMallsandBaseballs","date":"June 24, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"It is time. Well, it is time to begin the countdown to the time of actual departure, anyway. In this episode, Thelma and Louise, Butch and Sundance, and the 11 offspring and travel companions will embark upon this year's offseason adventure: The Halls, Falls, Malls and Baseballs 2018 Tour. In\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":817,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/07\/06\/road-warriors\/","url_meta":{"origin":678,"position":1},"title":"Road Warriors","date":"July 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Guys, Louise is in an RV mechanics chat room right now diagnosing why the front floorboards are 437 degrees. She just asked for my PayPal password. She is reading responses from Pearl, Gene and Tito. 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Me: Siri, weather report\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":572,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/06\/16\/sht-parents-at-college-orientation-say\/","url_meta":{"origin":678,"position":4},"title":"Sh*t Parents at College Orientation Say","date":"June 16, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Sh*t Parents at Orientation Say Oh, I\u2019m not one of those parents who coddles their kid, but I\u2019m somewhat of a control freak. Wait, what? We have special circumstances in our family. But my kid is different. Your father will build that loft higher. If she gets assigned to a\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":713,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2016\/07\/26\/18\/","url_meta":{"origin":678,"position":5},"title":"18","date":"July 26, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"Today it was Thelma and Louise vs. Day 18. Day 18 lulled us into a false sense of security during the long, smooth ride from Minneapolis across the green fields of Wisconsin on our way to our final destination of Chicago. Day 18 gave us no traffic, clear roads and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/678"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=678"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/678\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":680,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/678\/revisions\/680"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/648"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=678"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=678"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=678"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}