{"id":656,"date":"2014-11-04T18:38:42","date_gmt":"2014-11-04T18:38:42","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/?p=656"},"modified":"2014-11-04T18:38:42","modified_gmt":"2014-11-04T18:38:42","slug":"election-day-2014","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/11\/04\/election-day-2014\/","title":{"rendered":"Election Day 2014"},"content":{"rendered":"

Me:<\/strong> Yes, I saw the sign outside that said there was wine on the ballot, so I\u2019d like whatever smoky Cabernet you have, please.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker:<\/strong> What? This is an election precinct in the middle of the day, ma\u2019am. That would be highly inappropriate.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> You\u2019re right, it is before noon. I\u2019ll take a Pinot grigio then.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker:<\/strong> I think you\u2019re confused. The sign referred to the referendum on this year\u2019s ballot allowing the provision for wine to be sold in grocery stores. It didn\u2019t actually refer to wine being sold here.<\/em><\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (Winking.) Sure it didn\u2019t. Then why do you need my ID?<\/p>\n

Polling Worker:<\/strong> (Looking though scrolls and ignoring direct eye contact.) Party?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> Yes. Often. Which is why I\u2019d like wine in grocery stores, please.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker:<\/strong> I meant\u2026.never mind. It\u2019s a general election so I don\u2019t really need to know if you\u2019re a Democrat or Republican.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> Well I would like to join the party that wants to make wine in grocery stores a thing here.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker:<\/strong> That\u2019s not exactly how it works, but I\u2019ll see what I can do. Please take this paperwork to the next station.<\/p>\n

At the next table\u2026.<\/em><\/p>\n

Me<\/strong>: (Handing over necessary paperwork). Is this the tasting bar? I\u2019m game for anything but Rieslings.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker #2:<\/strong> (Clearly confused and even a bit angry.) What?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> Rieslings. I don\u2019t care for them. I had a bad bout with those after the 2000 presidential election when I realized my butterfly ballot voted for Pat Buchanan. Twice. Can\u2019t drink it since.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker #2:<\/strong> (Staring blankly.) Proceed to the machine.<\/p>\n

And so I do. And I vote. For some candidates that clearly never had a good glass of wine in the their entire lives, and some that perhaps have had too many. For some amendments that are completely sobering, and some that I think a drunk person must have written and got onto the ballot as a fraternity prank. But I vote and I do in every election. And I always will.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> I\u2019m finished! You can give me my \u201cI Voted\u201d cork now.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker #3:<\/strong> I don\u2019t have any idea what you\u2019re talking about. Here\u2019s a sticker, though.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s disappointing. Can you just point me to the nearest grocery store then? I need a case of Merlot to celebrate tonight.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker #3:<\/strong> Uh, you do know the amendments haven’t passed yet, right?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> It\u2019s noon in the Central Time Zone. I think CNN called this one an hour ago.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker #3:<\/strong> Probably, but even if it does pass, it still won\u2019t be on supermarket shelves until 2016.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Polling worker #3:<\/strong> Are you ok? Ma\u2019am?<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (Starting to hyperventilate.) But I thought I lived in a red state.<\/p>\n

Polling Worker #3:<\/strong> Uh, I\u2019m going to get you a paper bag to breathe in.<\/p>\n

Me:<\/strong> (Breathless.) No. Wait. There\u2019s a neoprene wine cooler bag in my purse\u2026..<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Happy Election Day, Tennessee.
\n\u00a92014 Tracey Henry<\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Me: Yes, I saw the sign outside that said there was wine on the ballot, so I\u2019d like whatever smoky Cabernet you have, please. Polling Worker: What? This is an election precinct in the middle of the day, ma\u2019am. That would be highly inappropriate. Me: You\u2019re right, it is before noon. I\u2019ll take a Pinot […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-aA","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":641,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/10\/14\/if-warehouse-stores-had-mouths-and-took-myers-briggs-tests\/","url_meta":{"origin":656,"position":0},"title":"If warehouse stores had mouths and took Myers-Briggs tests","date":"October 14, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"As the primary procurer of goods and services for our household, I\u2019ve noticed that stores\u2014both local and national chains\u2014have certain personalities that emerge. I realize this is probably a personal observation and completely subjective, but it helps explain how and where we shop. Depending on the type and the message\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":256,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/09\/20\/256\/","url_meta":{"origin":656,"position":1},"title":"Flank steak and arugula salad with Bearnaise dressing","date":"September 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"You know that game, \u201cWhat 3 foods would you want stranded on a desert island?\u201d My answers change over the years, but if I had to answer that one today, I\u2019d say heavy cream, dijon mustard and wine. Which means I\u2019d like to be stranded in Provence. I choose wine,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/09\/IMG_2120-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":91,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/07\/17\/lets-dish\/","url_meta":{"origin":656,"position":2},"title":"Let’s Dish","date":"July 17, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"For the past decade, I\u2019ve been bringing you the very true and very ridiculous stories from my side of the picket fence. We\u2019ve been chatting about kids and carpools, husbands and holidays, life, liberty and the pursuit of snappiness. And hopefully sharing a few laughs in the process. We\u2019re still\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Featured"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":631,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/09\/26\/20-things-you-wont-hear-me-say-this-month\/","url_meta":{"origin":656,"position":3},"title":"20 Things You Won’t Hear Me Say This Month","date":"September 26, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You\u2019ll hear me say a lot of things this month. There\u2019s a good chance you\u2019ll overhear me yelling at some crazy person on House Hunters that you can buy a stainless steel refrigerator and a can of paint at any Home Depot, you unrealistic idiot. Or my explanation to the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":681,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2016\/07\/12\/day-4-sioux-falls\/","url_meta":{"origin":656,"position":4},"title":"Day 4–Sioux Falls","date":"July 12, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"We committed no felonies today. However, if looking this good after four days with campground hair and a glowing sheen from perspiration and bugspray is a crime, then we are guilty as charged, my friends. We traveled due north today through hundreds of miles of Iowa corn fields and farmland\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":678,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2016\/07\/11\/day-3-and-almost-my-last\/","url_meta":{"origin":656,"position":5},"title":"Day 3 (and almost my last)","date":"July 11, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I thought it might take a little longer, but Day 3 was the moment Louise tried to kill me. I should have known something was amiss when she returned to the campsite with a trail of cheap wine from Walgreen's that led to the back of a rented white U-Haul\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/IMG_3236.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/656"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=656"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/656\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":657,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/656\/revisions\/657"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=656"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=656"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=656"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}