As the primary procurer of goods and services for our household, I\u2019ve noticed that stores\u2014both local and national chains\u2014have certain personalities that emerge. I realize this is probably a personal observation and completely subjective, but it helps explain how and where we shop. Depending on the type and the message they are trying to market, some stores seem \u201cfriendlier\u201d than others. Or, a better value. Or nice. Or snooty. Or cheap.<\/p>\n
And there\u2019s the warehouse store.<\/p>\n
They don\u2019t even try to lure you in or affect your perceptions whatsoever. They almost dare you to even try to shop there by requiring membership and then elderly security guards armed with highlighters at the door. And if you do dare cross their threshold, their disdain for you is loud and clear.<\/p>\n
Sam:<\/strong> Look, I really don\u2019t have the time, energy or desire to unpack all of this Teriyaki sauce, so I\u2019m just going to slice the top open with a box cutter and y’all can have at it.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> But I really don\u2019t need a gross of it, can I just get a couple?<\/p>\n Sam:<\/strong> No.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Ok\u2026.What about those Pop-Tarts? There\u2019s 36 of strawberry, cherry and blueberry, but no one in my house will eat the blueberry, so can I just trade them out?<\/p>\n Sam:<\/strong> No.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> But my daughter\u2019s allergic to blueberries\u2026<\/p>\n Sam:<\/strong> Then get a 6-pack of Children\u2019s Benadryl in the health and beauty aisle\u2014and by \u201caisle\u201d I mean \u201cpallet dump.\u201d What can I tell you?<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Okay\u2026I understand the bulk packaging concept, but how about things that aren\u2019t naturally packaged that way?<\/p>\n Sam:<\/strong> Are you still here? (Sigh.) Like what?<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Like bread. Those were packaged singly and you added a plastic bag around them to sell them by twos.<\/p>\n Sam:<\/strong> But I pretend they’re cheaper that way.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> I know, but they\u2019re not. And clothing. How does that fit into the \u201cbulk is better\u201d concept? With the exception that there\u2019s fifty size XXXL burgundy turtlenecks, I don\u2019t get how that fits in here. <\/p>\n Sam:<\/strong> You\u2019re a trouble-maker, you know that? Let me see your membership card. (Looks at it skeptically.) Eh, you\u2019re just a Gold Member. Do us both a favor and get yourself a large box of wine and move along.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> I wish I could, but the line is so long.<\/p>\n Sam: <\/strong>It\u2019s a bulk store, we like our lines big like everything else.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> But not your staffing levels, I see\u2026<\/p>\n At check out\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n BJ:<\/strong> Do you want a box for all this?<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> No, I want it loose in my trunk to roll around and dent those 55 gallon drums of green beans I just bought for some reason.<\/p>\n BJ:<\/strong> Whatevs. That will be $812.46.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> What???? I thought this was supposed to be cheaper?<\/p>\n BJ:<\/strong> (Disinterested.) It\u2019s cheaper by the serving. I assume.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> And I didn\u2019t get a fraction of what I needed! I still have to go to the grocery store to get the majority of my shopping list.<\/p>\n BJ:<\/strong> Not my problem. But maybe you should get a tub of fish oil tablets if you can\u2019t remember a simple list.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Great. Should I just look for the faded sign printed out on a bubble printer?<\/p>\n BJ:<\/strong> Hey, we got that perforated printer paper for a steal in 1982! 45 billion cases of it, so we\u2019ll be printing our price signs out on that for the long haul.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> Sort of like how long I\u2019ll be shuffling around those blueberry Pop Tarts\u2026 <\/p>\n BJ:<\/strong> (Handing me my receipt.) Membership has its privileges.<\/p>\n Me:<\/strong> And its curses.<\/p>\n \u00a92014 Tracey Henry<\/p>\n <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As the primary procurer of goods and services for our household, I\u2019ve noticed that stores\u2014both local and national chains\u2014have certain personalities that emerge. I realize this is probably a personal observation and completely subjective, but it helps explain how and where we shop. Depending on the type and the message they are trying to market, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[2],"tags":[97],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-al","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":656,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/11\/04\/election-day-2014\/","url_meta":{"origin":641,"position":0},"title":"Election Day 2014","date":"November 4, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Me: Yes, I saw the sign outside that said there was wine on the ballot, so I\u2019d like whatever smoky Cabernet you have, please. Polling Worker: What? This is an election precinct in the middle of the day, ma\u2019am. That would be highly inappropriate. Me: You\u2019re right, it is before\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":611,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/08\/15\/college-countdown\/","url_meta":{"origin":641,"position":1},"title":"College Countdown","date":"August 15, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Our oldest is off to college in a few days, and I thought I\u2019d share this handy timeline on how to prepare for this upcoming event. 3 months out: Rent a storage unit to house and hoard your billboard-sized Bed, Bath and Beyond coupons for dorm shopping later. 2 months\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/IMG_3088-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":894,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2020\/09\/01\/happy-new-year\/","url_meta":{"origin":641,"position":2},"title":"Happy New Year?","date":"September 1, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Like most parents and smaller human beings who attended some sort of school in their lifetimes, I have always considered the beginning of the school year the actual \"New Year\" rather than when the calendar turns to January. That used to be because it was a natural new beginning--new grade,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":224,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/08\/25\/fresh-fig-walnuts-and-goat-cheese-pizza\/","url_meta":{"origin":641,"position":3},"title":"Fresh fig, walnuts and goat cheese pizza","date":"August 25, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"It may seem as though I\u2019m dogging on the South a little bit lately, and I want to set the record straight that this is not the case. There are some things that the South is considerably superior over the geographic North. Namely, grocery stores. Seriously, North, you don\u2019t know\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/IMG_2050-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":574,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/06\/26\/reading-disney-rainbows-this-summer\/","url_meta":{"origin":641,"position":4},"title":"Reading Disney Rainbows this Summer","date":"June 26, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"One of the many wonderful things about the Disney Social Moms Media Celebration\u2014and there are many\u2014is the amazing speaker lineup. The awesomeness of these impressive people from all different fields, specialities and successes are extraordinary in their own right, but then when one of them speaks directly to something near\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Review"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/DSCN0114-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":357,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/01\/31\/2014\/","url_meta":{"origin":641,"position":5},"title":"2014","date":"January 31, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"My one and only post for January, 2014 is a revision of my New Year\u2019s resolutions since the year is off to a shaky start. 1.) Post daily. Post weekly. Turn on the computer. 2.) Be the best Room Mom ever. Try not to piss off the whole class. Try\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/641"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=641"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/641\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":645,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/641\/revisions\/645"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=641"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=641"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=641"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}