EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: AGING TOOTH FAIRY POLICY CHANGES.<\/p>\n
1.) When you have a loose tooth, you must be loud and proud about it. Secret wigglings or private extractions will no longer be recognized. If there is no public announcement in which a person of majority is present, it will not be recognized as a dental earning event.<\/p>\n
2.) No longer will placing a lost tooth under your pillow be optimal. For best results, please tape the tooth in a baggie labeled in large letters and affix to the mirror above your mother\u2019s bathroom sink. If this is not possible, please attach said tooth the handle of the coffee pot.<\/p>\n
3.) There is no set amount or consistent rate per tooth. The Tooth Fairy may or may not have visited the ATM that night, so $20 may be the inflated price for one tooth and\/or if she has change from her skinny mocha latte, expect $5 or less.<\/p>\n
4.) It is entirely possible that the money I have left for you has fallen from beneath the pillow, off of the mattress and landed somewhere under your bed. But please do not look for yourself\u2014have a parent come in and look for you. Wearing a bathrobe. With pockets.<\/p>\n
5.) The Tooth Fairy is no longer relegated to nighttime hours. If there is a west coast game or a vampire marathon the night before, she may very well postpone her visit until you are at school.<\/p>\n
6.) If you inadvertently find your tooth in the household trash after I\u2019ve visited, please do not panic. I am currently participating in a recycling program, and your tooth may just wind up on a piano keyboard or as scrimshaw kitsch on the wall of a Red Lobster.<\/p>\n
7.) All deposits must be made Monday-Thursday. This one\u2019s out of my hands, kids. Something about FAA flight restrictions and international banking regulations.<\/p>\n
8.) Again, due to pesky tax laws, I cannot enter into transactions across state lines.<\/p>\n
9.) Or hotels. It\u2019s a bedbug thing.<\/p>\n
10.) Any attempts to signal my arrival or trap my person will render all contracts null and void. And I reserve the right to tack on months with your orthodontist when you\u2019re 14.<\/p>\n
11.) And finally, like you will sadly experience later in your life as well, the older I get, the more I look like your mother.<\/p>\n
XOXOXO\u2014<\/p>\n
Tooth Fairy<\/p>\n
\u00a92014 Tracey Henry<\/p>\n
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY: AGING TOOTH FAIRY POLICY CHANGES. 1.) When you have a loose tooth, you must be loud and proud about it. Secret wigglings or private extractions will no longer be recognized. If there is no public announcement in which a person of majority is present, it will not be recognized as a dental earning […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[2],"tags":[81],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-9X","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":659,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/12\/03\/another-holiday-tradition-this-will-never-come-to-fruition\/","url_meta":{"origin":617,"position":0},"title":"Another Holiday Tradition? 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