{"id":572,"date":"2014-06-16T18:20:22","date_gmt":"2014-06-16T18:20:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/?p=572"},"modified":"2014-06-16T18:20:22","modified_gmt":"2014-06-16T18:20:22","slug":"sht-parents-at-college-orientation-say","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/06\/16\/sht-parents-at-college-orientation-say\/","title":{"rendered":"Sh*t Parents at College Orientation Say"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sh*t Parents at Orientation Say<\/strong><\/p>\n

Oh, I\u2019m not one of those parents who coddles their kid, but I\u2019m somewhat of a control freak.<\/p>\n

Wait, what?<\/p>\n

We have special circumstances in our family.<\/p>\n

But my kid is different.<\/p>\n

Your father will build that loft higher.<\/p>\n

If she gets assigned to a community bathroom, we\u2019re transferring.<\/p>\n

Can you skip back to that last slide? I\u2019m taking pictures of this entire presentation with my iPad to replay for my husband when I get back to the hotel.<\/p>\n

When I was in school we didn\u2019t have Facebook yet. You met your roommate on the first day of school and lived with whatever you got.<\/p>\n

Wait, what?<\/p>\n

He may be 18, but as long as I\u2019m paying tuition, I should have access to his school email and conferences with his professors.<\/p>\n

My kid is going to eat every single meal in the dining hall.<\/p>\n

My kid won\u2019t eat a single meal in the dining hall.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m pretty sure my daughter will place out all freshman classes. And sophomore. And junior.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to need you to print all of the emails the school sends you, okay, honey?<\/p>\n

Where are the dorm cleaning products kept? My Johnny is a neat freak!<\/p>\n

Who do I talk to about getting a higher housing number? We were downloading a particularly long Power Point email from her Aunt of \u201cAwesome Photographs,\u201d and weren\u2019t able to login in time.<\/p>\n

So is your son rushing? No, he\u2019s Italian.<\/p>\n

Do I get charged for parking when I come to visit my daughter and stay in her room overnight?<\/p>\n

Do they have coffee around here?<\/p>\n

Do they have wine around here?<\/p>\n

I seem to have something in my eye, where are the tissues?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sh*t Orientation Leaders Say<\/strong><\/p>\n

Great question! Now I\u2019m going to repeat it back to you somewhat differently in answer form and throw some catch phrases in while not saying anything of interest and refer you to a website.<\/p>\n

We encourage you to have a conversation with your student regarding ______________.<\/p>\n

You can get more information about that on our website.<\/p>\n

The tissues are right over there.<\/p>\n

\u00a92014 Tracey Henry<\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sh*t Parents at Orientation Say Oh, I\u2019m not one of those parents who coddles their kid, but I\u2019m somewhat of a control freak. Wait, what? We have special circumstances in our family. But my kid is different. Your father will build that loft higher. If she gets assigned to a community bathroom, we\u2019re transferring. Can […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[2],"tags":[86],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-9e","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":548,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/05\/05\/public-health-alert-senioritis\/","url_meta":{"origin":572,"position":0},"title":"Public Health Alert–Senioritis","date":"May 5, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"As two of my children approach graduations\u2014one 8th grader leaving middle school and one high school senior about to enter college\u2014I can attest to the very real, very serious condition of Senioritis. The first symptom is a noticeable lack of interest and energy. Unfortunately, this isn\u2019t limited to the expected\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":266,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/10\/05\/vegetable-witness-protection-program\/","url_meta":{"origin":572,"position":1},"title":"Vegetable Witness Protection Program","date":"October 5, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"My vegetables are in the witness protection program. I fully admit that I will hide, disguise, camouflage, conceal, veil, cloak, bury, and otherwise transform vegetables into recipes that I can get myself my kids to eat. 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All\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":607,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/08\/05\/premature-education\/","url_meta":{"origin":572,"position":3},"title":"Premature Education","date":"August 5, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"As I sit here on the morning of the first day of school, which has crept earlier and earlier each August until it seems as though the 4th of July is closer than Labor Day, it occurs to me that the local School Boards may be suffering from an embarrassing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":410,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/03\/14\/st-patricks-day-dinner\/","url_meta":{"origin":572,"position":4},"title":"St. Patrick’s Day Dinner","date":"March 14, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"One of the things I remember the most about my mother's cooking was her corned beef dinner. She would make the corned beef, red-skinned potatoes and boiled cabbage. It was one of my favorite meals as a kid. Except for the cabbage. The cabbage smell would make me gag, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/03\/IMG_1650-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":208,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/08\/12\/signs-of-premature-education\/","url_meta":{"origin":572,"position":5},"title":"Signs of Premature Education","date":"August 12, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"As I sit here on the eve of the first day of school, which has crept earlier and earlier each August until it seems as though the 4th of July is closer than Labor Day, it occurs to me that the local School Boards may be suffering from an embarrassing\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Lunch Combination Special : column and recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/IMG_2010-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/572"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=572"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/572\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":573,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/572\/revisions\/573"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=572"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=572"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=572"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}