{"id":371,"date":"2014-02-12T09:43:00","date_gmt":"2014-02-12T15:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/?p=371"},"modified":"2014-02-12T09:43:00","modified_gmt":"2014-02-12T15:43:00","slug":"cookie-mom-tour-ii","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/02\/12\/cookie-mom-tour-ii\/","title":{"rendered":"Cookie Mom: Tour II"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cPerhaps it was because I had never been a Girl Scout. I guess we couldn\u2019t afford the fancy Brownie uniform so my mom enrolled us into the lesser-known, knock-off Campfire Girls. Instead of selling the famous cookie, our fundraiser came in the form of kindling and matches. It wasn\u2019t nearly as successful, especially in the dry season. But that was back in the wild 70\u2019s when our palm oil wasn\u2019t sustainable.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014Me, a year ago after being asked to be the Girl Scout Cookie Mom<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This year, I am that haggard woman at the end of a bar telling cookie war stories over a full ashtray and an empty glass. I begin each tale with a dismissive scoff at the newbie moms who just saddled up gushing on about their huge troop order and how many booth sale locations they were able to secure.<\/p>\n

\u201cHeh. Good luck with that store. The manager says you can be inside but really makes you set up on the edge of the parking lot and won\u2019t make change,\u201d I say as I lean back on my barstool which is decorated with a personalized SitUpon.<\/p>\n

They smile nervously. \u201cWe were told that was one of the best locations.\u201d They order wine-spritzers.<\/p>\n

\u201cHa!\u201d I rasp. \u201cThey tell all the greenhorns that. I bet you over-ordered your Trefoils, too.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThree cases\u2014the suggested amount from the manual.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cManual? I should have known. I hope you like shortbread because you’re going to be dunking those in your tapioca pudding at the old folks home.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rattled, they press on. \u201cWhat about the other varieties? What about the Thank U Berry Munch number?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me give you some advice, Sister. Never call them by their full names. They’re Tags, Sams, DSD\u2019s. Only rookies call them by their Christian names.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one has told us this before.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, and they won\u2019t. See this patch? It\u2019s for running a booth in a freak snowstorm. This one here? Getting out all of my scouts unharmed when there was a run on milk and bread in said snowstorm.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWow, that is impressive. Did your sales increase?\u201d<\/p>\n

Taking a long drag off my whiskey glass. \u201cI told everyone going in that a Thin Mint had as much potassium as a bunch of bananas.\u201d I wave away a flashback. \u201cI\u2019m not proud of that.\u201d<\/p>\n

Quietly, their gaze falls upon my left hand. \u201cIs that where you got that scar?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThis one? Nah. Posterboard cut in a particularly competitive sign year.\u201d<\/p>\n

They shudder. \u201cWe\u2019re hoping to really kill them with our sign. I saw on Pin\u2014”<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you finish that sentence with anything other than, ‘guide for proper sash placement’, we are going to fight.\u201d<\/p>\n

They do not speak for several minutes. \u201cSounds like you\u2019ve seen it all. Mind if I ask how long you\u2019ve been the Cookie Mom?\u201d<\/p>\n

I set down my drink on a woven potholder that now serves as a coaster. \u201cThis is my second year.\u201d<\/p>\n

Visibly shaken, they exchange horrified glances. They see my unkempt hair, crazy eye and involuntary twitching. No doubt they hear my incoherent mumbling about the net weight of a box of Savannah Smiles and wonder if they too, are on this same sad path. As they throw a bill down on the bar, I call after them pointing to my well-decorated adult vest, \u201cYou see this patch here? That\u2019s a badge for being tough.\u201d<\/p>\n

I drain the last of my whiskey. \u201cI haven\u2019t earned the Smart Cookie patch, yet.\u201d<\/p>\n

Smiling an exhausted grin I hoarsely whisper to the empty room. \u201cBut you just did when you didn\u2019t look back after walking out that door.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a92014 Tracey Henry<\/p>\n

For a cooking with cookies recipe, see Dulce le leche and strawberry ice cream cake<\/a>.<\/p>\n

And if you need any cookies this year and buy from someone else, we are going to have to fight.<\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cPerhaps it was because I had never been a Girl Scout. I guess we couldn\u2019t afford the fancy Brownie uniform so my mom enrolled us into the lesser-known, knock-off Campfire Girls. Instead of selling the famous cookie, our fundraiser came in the form of kindling and matches. It wasn\u2019t nearly as successful, especially in the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-5Z","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":357,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/01\/31\/2014\/","url_meta":{"origin":371,"position":0},"title":"2014","date":"January 31, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"My one and only post for January, 2014 is a revision of my New Year\u2019s resolutions since the year is off to a shaky start. 1.) Post daily. Post weekly. Turn on the computer. 2.) Be the best Room Mom ever. Try not to piss off the whole class. Try\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":761,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2017\/02\/13\/just-when-you-thought-it-was-safe-to-answer-your-door-during-cookie-season-my-husband-and-i-discuss-sales-strategy\/","url_meta":{"origin":371,"position":1},"title":"Just when you thought it was safe to answer your door during cookie season, my husband and I discuss sales strategy…","date":"February 13, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Him: What\u2019s with the thousands of cardboard cases in the garage? Did you go to the wine store today? Me: No. Duh, wine store day is Friday and it\u2019s only Tuesday. No, they\u2019re cookies. Him: ? Me: Girl Scout Cookies. I thought I told you, I\u2019m Cookie Mom again this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":335,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/12\/20\/a-holiday-with-a-twist\/","url_meta":{"origin":371,"position":2},"title":"A holiday with a Twist","date":"December 20, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"This is a post from way back in 2006 on what I'll be doing tomorrow. My sister called me early last Saturday morning. \"What's up, Sister Diva?\" I asked. She heaved a sigh before answering. \"It's German Twist Day.\" We both genuflected. I spoke quickly, knowing we didn't have much\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":286,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/11\/08\/scotts-biscotti\/","url_meta":{"origin":371,"position":3},"title":"Scott’s Biscotti","date":"November 8, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Lately I\u2019ve been making a lot of healthy brain food that doesn\u2019t taste like salmon. Here\u2019s a biscotti recipe that I adapted from Ann Burrell that incorporates whole nuts, berries and dark chocolate in a not-so-sweet cookie for breakfast or dessert. She dips hers into a chocolate ganache, but I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/11\/IMG_2280-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":368,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/02\/11\/dulce-de-leche-and-strawberry-ice-cream-cake\/","url_meta":{"origin":371,"position":4},"title":"Dulce de leche and strawberry ice cream cake","date":"February 11, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"You could really use this technique with any combination of ice creams and cookies, but try this one\u2014it is very refreshing and unique. Dulce de leche and Strawberry Ice Cream cake Crust: 12-15 dulce de leche cookies 6-8 shortbread cookies 3 T. butter, melted Pie: 2 pints strawberry sorbet (Haagen-Daz\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/02\/IMG_2562-300x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":213,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/08\/15\/deviled-eggs-benedict\/","url_meta":{"origin":371,"position":5},"title":"Deviled Eggs Benedict","date":"August 15, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"One of the very best happy accidents of this new venture has been how much more crowded my kitchen has become. As soon as I mentioned the new blog to my friends, they have jumped right in offering recipes, taste-testing, opinions, and wine-glass filling. The test kitchen has become my\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/me-and-Mik-300x225.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=371"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/371\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=371"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=371"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=371"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}