{"id":346,"date":"2014-02-04T11:53:35","date_gmt":"2014-02-04T17:53:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/?p=346"},"modified":"2014-02-04T11:53:35","modified_gmt":"2014-02-04T17:53:35","slug":"redneck-rink-of-dreams","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/02\/04\/redneck-rink-of-dreams\/","title":{"rendered":"Redneck Rink of Dreams"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week armed only with a garden hose, an expired bug fogger and a Polar Vortex, my husband constructed the Redneck Rink of Dreams.<\/p>\n

I readily admit that I was the Flo to his Andy Capp the night he came home and decided to flood our back patio to make an ice rink for the kids. I didn\u2019t think that the retention wall made out of old logs and bean bags from the corn hole game would work. I didn\u2019t think the pebble-studded aggregate was a particularly conducive surface in which to make a smooth base for a sheet of ice. I didn\u2019t think his choice of equipment\u2014a can of Off! spray attached a garden hose would create the effect he was going for. And I certainly had my doubts when we didn\u2019t have a hot showers for three days and his \u201cice crew\u201d consisted of the dog and a Swiffer.<\/p>\n

\"Backyard<\/a><\/p>\n

But I think he, too, doubted his plans at times. Perhaps at 2 am when the Titanic iceberg formed as the outside spigot froze. Or maybe again at 6 am when he decided to use the closest thawed water source\u2014the hot water heater\u2014to run the hose from through the house out the back door creating a cold front in our basement so bitter that Jim Cantore named it Elsa. And maybe he wavered again 20 minutes later when he heard rushing water after the hose had melted off the hot water heater valve. And perhaps the panicked text, \u201cBuy 100 ft hose on your way home. And salve. Don\u2019t ask,\u201d was also a sign that things weren\u2019t going as planned. And maybe second thoughts creeped in after he emptied the wet vac in his suit outside that his tie stood at 90 degree angle with frozen cobwebs and dust bunnies attached.<\/p>\n

\"Wrist<\/a><\/p>\n

His confidence certainly wouldn\u2019t have been buoyed when he stenciled an NHL logo with permanent paint that may or may not have bled slightly into the actual patio beneath promising a new level of spring cleanup. Or when instructing the boys on how to layer the ice in his absence included a screw driver, an oven mitt, and a Don\u2019t Tell Your Mother speech. And when the local news stations ran story after story about the unseasonably frigid temperatures and how to stay safe and warm in the dangerous weather conditions, his habit of standing outside in his pajamas and flap hat like Cousin Eddie couldn\u2019t have been reassuring. And certainly the complaints stuffing our mailbox from neighbors, the Homeowner\u2019s Association and our insurance agent could not have been misconstrued as letters of support.<\/p>\n

But Mother Nature must have had her curiosity piqued because she gave us a window just long and cold enough to make it work. And so for two nights last week a bunch of Southern kids got to do what we northerners do every weekend from November to March: play hockey outside. They strapped on their skates, picked up their sticks, and played. Neighbors came. Friends stopped by. They slid, slipped and slopped along the smoothest sheet of glass this side of the Mason-Dixon complete with graphics and overhead lighting so the game could go on all night.<\/p>\n

And just like the movie, \u201cIf you build it, they will come.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even if instead of old baseball players it\u2019s the water authority and higher homeowner\u2019s insurance premiums.<\/p>\n

\"Tennessee<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00a92014 Tracey Henry<\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week armed only with a garden hose, an expired bug fogger and a Polar Vortex, my husband constructed the Redneck Rink of Dreams. I readily admit that I was the Flo to his Andy Capp the night he came home and decided to flood our back patio to make an ice rink for the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[2],"tags":[22],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-5A","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":330,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/12\/11\/the-rest-of-the-tree-story\/","url_meta":{"origin":346,"position":0},"title":"The rest of the tree story","date":"December 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Please read Part 1 of this sad story to fully grasp the significance of the attached report. Nashville, TN--After an unclear series of tragic events, Leroy \u201cTree\u201d Brown--family Christmas tree of Suburban Diva--took its own life in the early hours of December 3rd, sources confirm today. While not described as\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/12\/IMG_2337-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":840,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/07\/12\/days-9-and-10-and-11-ish\/","url_meta":{"origin":346,"position":1},"title":"Days 9 and 10 and 11-ish","date":"July 12, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"To close out our sports Halls of Fame quadrumvirate, we showed Springfield, Mass a thing or two. Our very own Sundance won the Rick Perry free-throw shooting contest! Which doesn't sound like a thing at all because who would name a basketball game after the former governor of Texas, but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/IMG_8315-e1531363511699-225x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1006,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2021\/08\/02\/headed-home\/","url_meta":{"origin":346,"position":2},"title":"Headed Home","date":"August 2, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"There comes a time on every trip when you know it's time to pull up stakes and head home. For this vacation, that point came when I had to wrestle the rhinestone-studded tweezers from Louises' hands when I feared she was going to stab a stranger who tried to mansplain\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":719,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2016\/07\/28\/by-the-numbers\/","url_meta":{"origin":346,"position":3},"title":"By the Numbers","date":"July 28, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"States visited--14 Miles traveled--4,285 Days on the road--20 Lost\/Damaged Shoes--4 Cans of bear mace used--0 Diapers--78 Bags of ice--68 Collective hours of quality sleep--4.5 Car rentals--5 Number of times I called Louise by her real name--0 Quarters used for arcade and laundry--811 Campgrounds--7 Hotels--7 Cell phone data overages--36 GB Times\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":698,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2016\/07\/21\/day-12-wolves-bears-and-marshmallows-oh-my\/","url_meta":{"origin":346,"position":4},"title":"Day 12–Wolves, Bears and Marshmallows, Oh My!","date":"July 21, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I know I'm behind on posting for a couple of days, but when your breath has been taken away so often, sometimes you need a minute to catch it. We arrived in West Yellowstone on Monday to an oasis we didn't know we needed. Right away we went to the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":678,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2016\/07\/11\/day-3-and-almost-my-last\/","url_meta":{"origin":346,"position":5},"title":"Day 3 (and almost my last)","date":"July 11, 2016","format":false,"excerpt":"I thought it might take a little longer, but Day 3 was the moment Louise tried to kill me. I should have known something was amiss when she returned to the campsite with a trail of cheap wine from Walgreen's that led to the back of a rented white U-Haul\u2026","rel":"","context":"Similar post","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/10\/IMG_3236.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/346"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=346"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/346\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=346"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=346"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=346"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}