{"id":215,"date":"2013-08-19T07:52:18","date_gmt":"2013-08-19T12:52:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/?p=215"},"modified":"2013-08-19T07:52:18","modified_gmt":"2013-08-19T12:52:18","slug":"the-first-and-last-time-ill-ever-be-asked-this-question","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/08\/19\/the-first-and-last-time-ill-ever-be-asked-this-question\/","title":{"rendered":"The first and last time I’ll ever be asked this question"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been asked for my hand in marriage. (Yes.) I\u2019ve been asked if I want fries with that. (No.) I\u2019ve been asked if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. (No, yes, no, no.)\u00a0 I\u2019ve been asked what I want to be when I grow up. (Still waiting to grow up.) I\u2019ve been asked for my I.D. (Ok, not in a very long time.) I\u2019ve been asked for my advice, opinion, and counsel. (Stay in school, the one on the left and don\u2019t read Internet comments.) Paper or plastic? (Canvas, please.) I\u2019ve even been questioned as to who wrote the book of love, what\u2019s love got to do with it and what\u2019s eating Gilbert Grape. (I\u2019ve got satellite radio and a Netflix account.)<\/p>\n

But in 29 years of combined school grades and teachers, I\u2019ve never been asked to be the Room Mom.<\/p>\n

Until today.<\/p>\n

The teacher who proposed such an obvious travesty of scholastic volunteerism is new, so I quickly said yes before she Google search me.\u00a0 (Rookie mistake.) Since I\u2019m new to the Room Mom game, I had some questions of my own. Like, is there a union per diem minimum? (No, in fact you\u2019ll be expected to pay out-of-pocket for countless expenses.) Will my yearbook profile include high res photos or standard? (We don\u2019t exactly feature parents in the yearbook.) When driving to field trips, do I collect gas money from the kids before or after I drop them off? (Wait, what?) Are there any allergies I should notify the caterer of for the class parties? (We don\u2019t use a caterer, maybe we should talk…) My first arts and crafts project is wallpapering my bathroom so I\u2019m going to need 4,288 glue sticks added to their required supply list. (On second thought, we may not need a Room Mom this year.) Your Tuesday Reading Circle is on my preferred spa day, so can I move\u00a0 in a massage table on those carpet squares? (@#$%^&*) Why is your face so red? Who are you calling? Are handcuffs really necessary?<\/p>\n

And now I\u2019ve also been asked if I understand my rights as they\u2019ve been explained to me. (Best. School. Year. Ever.)<\/p>\n

\u00a92013 Tracey Henry<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

One of the recipes I get asked about the most–Guacamole.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"World's<\/a>
\nGuacamole<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

3 ripe avocados
\n1 red onion, diced
\n1-2 tomatoes, diced
\nSalt and Pepper<\/p>\n

Nothing else or you\u2019ll ruin it<\/p>\n

I mean it<\/p>\n

Mash the avocados with the back of a fork in a medium bowl. Mix the 3–exactly 3–ingredients together. Resist the temptation to make it more complicated than it is–you will thank me later. Season with salt and pepper and enjoy by the handful or use tortilla chips.<\/p>\n

Note: The only variation I will allow is the addition of fresh cilantro if you love fresh cilantro, or a squeeze of a fresh lime. Ripe avocados are a must. Buy the nice blackish-skinned ones, but if they aren\u2019t quite ripe yet place in a brown paper bag for a day or so and they\u2019ll ripen quickly and guac-ly.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ve been asked for my hand in marriage. (Yes.) I\u2019ve been asked if I want fries with that. (No.) I\u2019ve been asked if I wanted to know if it was a boy or a girl. (No, yes, no, no.)\u00a0 I\u2019ve been asked what I want to be when I grow up. (Still waiting to grow […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false,"jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":[]},"categories":[4],"tags":[13,50,59],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p3NIOM-3t","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":420,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/03\/25\/worst-game-ever\/","url_meta":{"origin":215,"position":0},"title":"Worst. Game. Ever.","date":"March 25, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"Sometimes my husband and I play this game where we try to up the ante on torturing ourselves and our family. The rules are simple: we take a very innocuous activity, then we each add a detail to complicate and add another layer of anguish. Our most recent round? Spring\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":295,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2013\/11\/19\/things-on-our-thanksgiving-table-sweet-potatoes\/","url_meta":{"origin":215,"position":1},"title":"Things on our Thanksgiving Table–Sweet potatoes","date":"November 19, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Thanksgiving is hands down my favorite holiday. I love a day that focuses on what\u2019s good in life and then serves it up with gravy and football. There are no gifts, no decorations, no shopping other than the grocery store and I\u2019m there every day of my life anyway. My\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Recipe"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":782,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/06\/26\/the-packing-list\/","url_meta":{"origin":215,"position":2},"title":"The Packing List","date":"June 26, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"1. Clothes and stuff Me: Even if we do laundry twice during the trip, that makes about 90 T-shirts and 180 socks just for reference. Butch: Over\/under that we return with 11 of the original sock total? Me: Under is how that works. 2. Outdoor Movie System with 70' Screen\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":551,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2014\/05\/10\/happy-mothers-day-for-real\/","url_meta":{"origin":215,"position":3},"title":"Happy Mother’s Day. For real.","date":"May 10, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"My discomfort for Mother\u2019s Day is well-documented. Over the years, I\u2019ve explained that since my own mom passed away 13 years ago, ownership of this day has not been possible for me. This has eased slightly in recent years, or at the very least, worn the edges of the day\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":817,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2018\/07\/06\/road-warriors\/","url_meta":{"origin":215,"position":4},"title":"Road Warriors","date":"July 6, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Guys, Louise is in an RV mechanics chat room right now diagnosing why the front floorboards are 437 degrees. She just asked for my PayPal password. She is reading responses from Pearl, Gene and Tito. She is flipping through the RV manual and saying words I don't understand like, \"alternator\"\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":761,"url":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/2017\/02\/13\/just-when-you-thought-it-was-safe-to-answer-your-door-during-cookie-season-my-husband-and-i-discuss-sales-strategy\/","url_meta":{"origin":215,"position":5},"title":"Just when you thought it was safe to answer your door during cookie season, my husband and I discuss sales strategy…","date":"February 13, 2017","format":false,"excerpt":"Him: What\u2019s with the thousands of cardboard cases in the garage? Did you go to the wine store today? Me: No. Duh, wine store day is Friday and it\u2019s only Tuesday. No, they\u2019re cookies. Him: ? Me: Girl Scout Cookies. I thought I told you, I\u2019m Cookie Mom again this\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Column"","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/215"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=215"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/215\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=215"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=215"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.suburbandiva.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=215"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}