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| | The lighter side of the picket fence | |
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| | Why our December electric bill is $4,083.52 |
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| | We come to that time of year again where we begin decorating for the holidays. I am in charge of our home's interior while my husband decorates our entire block.
Him: I'm thinking of doing something different with the outside decorations this year.
Me: Tasteful and understated?
Him: (Glare.) No. What do you think about having a nice tree in the front courtyard?
Me: (Waiting for the other snow boot to drop.) That sounds nice...
Him: What about six trees?
Me: I think that would look like a Christmas tree lot.
Him: At least I could make some money off of the tips.
Me: I've seen the way you tie trees to a roof of a car. I don't think that should be your fall back career.
Him: Fine. What color lights do you want me to hang?
Me: The same lights as we used last year. You didn’t throw them away again, did you?
Him: "Throw away" is such a harsh term.
Me: Fine. Maybe some nice tiny white lights wouldn’t be too gaudy.
Him: Colored lights it is then.
Me: (Looking through the bed of a pick-up truck filled with strange packages marked, "HAZARDOUS.") You know, I don't remember seeing these 10 foot snow globes in the Lowe's circular. Where did you go to buy all of this stuff anyway?
Him: You know the guy I get the fireworks of questionable origin from in July? Well, he has "other" inventory in December. (Winks.)
Me: I’m no civil engineer, but isn't that enormous pyramid-shaped light dome the one on top of the SunTrust building downtown?
Him: And now it will be on top of the FunTrust house in our neighborhood. You mind handing me that 800 foot extension cord? I need to thread it up the drainpipe to the roof for the lighthouse beacon. Gotta make sure Santa finds our chimney!
Me: (Under my breath.) He won't be able to find anyone's roof if he has a seizure before his sleigh touches down.
Him: What was that, dear? Hey, do you think Mighty Putty is flammable?
Me: (Looking around at the vast expense of the annual lighting display.)You do realize there's a disparaging amount between the outside decoration budget and the inside one. There seems to be a disconnect on your part when I suggest buying a new stocking or a $1.99 ornament.
Him: Please don't say "disconnect" when I'm working with this much voltage.
Me: Okay, well I'm going inside to see if I can salvage some of the old tinsel that's wrapped around the tree branches. Maybe the dog coughed some up and I can use some of that.
Him: Great, Honey. Just watch the speaker wire I've got across the lawn for the Manheim Steamroller montage.
Me: (Again, under my breath.) *&^%$ recession...
Him: What's that? You want a procession? You got it, baby! We’ll put the pre-lit elves I bought down the driveway...
Hope your decorating days are merry and BRIGHT.
©2009 Tracey Henry
Email me! |
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