After a recent brush with local tornadoes, my husband and I simultaneously placed mail orders for surviving any upcoming disasters we may encounter. Me: Honey, we got two huge deliveries in the mail today. The box addressed to you is heavy, has been inspected by the NSA and is wearing camouflage. Him: Oh great, the […]
Author: Tracey
Just when you thought it was safe to answer your door during cookie season, my husband and I discuss sales strategy…
Him: What’s with the thousands of cardboard cases in the garage? Did you go to the wine store today? Me: No. Duh, wine store day is Friday and it’s only Tuesday. No, they’re cookies. Him: ? Me: Girl Scout Cookies. I thought I told you, I’m Cookie Mom again this year. Him: (Choking in shock.) […]
Hello, again, hello
If you are an old friend and reader from my past, welcome back. You know the drill: don’t take anything I say too seriously but know I speak (mostly) truth. It’s great to see you again. If you are new to this side of the picket fence, welcome. If you are reading this for the […]
Wrapping Up 2016 In HOA Violation Notices
January 30, 2016 Dear Mr. and Mrs. Diva, While we all have enjoyed your “Hillbilly Holiday” display, we respectfully request you remove the remnants of it as soon as possible. We have received a number of complaints that many of your inflatable yard decorations have “flown” into other homeowner’s yards, trees, and, in one tragic […]
#Goals
I don’t think that I’m alone in my sincere intention of achieving my Mom Back to School Goals. The execution of these objectives is another story altogether. We’ve just completed the first full week of school, and I’m evaluating my progress. Goal: Buy all the uniforms in June during the sale. Result: I did place […]
Postscript and legal notes
Now that we’ve been back a few days and Louise’s legal team has had a chance to review the material, (she’s so high maintenance) I thought I’d offer a couple of clarifications from our recent trip. ~All of the mystery rashes and various infections have been cleared up. The only conditions remaining uncured are severe […]
By the Numbers
States visited–14 Miles traveled–4,285 Days on the road–20 Lost/Damaged Shoes–4 Cans of bear mace used–0 Diapers–78 Bags of ice–68 Collective hours of quality sleep–4.5 Car rentals–5 Number of times I called Louise by her real name–0 Quarters used for arcade and laundry–811 Campgrounds–7 Hotels–7 Cell phone data overages–36 GB Times the door flew open while […]
19/20
After spending the morning shopping the Magnificent Mile, eating cheeseborgers, cheeseborgers, cheeseborgers (the real deal!) on Navy Pier, The Elite Eight came to the unanimous conclusion that we had done all we wanted to do, and it was time to go home. So we left Chicago, returned the rental car, pulled up stakes at the […]
18
Today it was Thelma and Louise vs. Day 18. Day 18 lulled us into a false sense of security during the long, smooth ride from Minneapolis across the green fields of Wisconsin on our way to our final destination of Chicago. Day 18 gave us no traffic, clear roads and and beautiful weather as we […]
Day 17
Butch, Sundance and the three eldest members of our crew departed by air today from Minneapolis, leaving the band of adventurers to the Elite Eight. Their departure also begins our final leg of this tour. As much of this country’s natural beauty and splendor that we have discovered and enjoyed these past 2 1/2 weeks, […]