New Neighbor Bribe

Dear New Neighbor,

Allow me to introduce myself, I’m your new neighbor. That neighbor.

Oh, I don’t plan any trouble, slights, inadvertent impoliteness, or anything to make you call your insurance company, emergency services or realtor; but chances are pretty good that you will at some point. I apologize in advance and offer these anticipatory peace offering muffins.

We have teenagers who park poorly and will probably impede your driveway access at some point. We have young kids that have cannot keep a ball in their own yard to save their life. We have a dog. Cute, but she’s a runner and a digger with a propensity for your fence line and begonias.

We have parties. And house guests. And a drum set. And inappropriate boundary issues.

But if you’re able to overlook these few flaws–and the tragic paint color experiment on your side of the house–we do have our good points.

Like you know the Bunco group with all of the popular people in the neighborhood? Well, I’m blacklisted from that one but I’ll bring you as my personal guest to the one formed by outcasts in dramatic protest.

And you know that giant nest of rabbits that live under your back porch? They used to live here before I chased them out after eating the biggest patch of basil this side of Tuscany. I’ll make you (and your exterminator) a batch of homemade pesto.

And since we are in a constant state of violation with the homeowner’s association, chances are you can get away with a plethora of infractions with their attention turned our way.  We are responsible for so many of the amendments to the covenants they refer to us as the Continental Congress. You’ll probably be able to skirt a fine for those bottle rocket casings littered all over your roof for at least six more months. (I’m sorry and you’re welcome.)

So while it may not seem like we make the best neighbors, we do make pretty decent friends. Join us for a BBQ this weekend and I’ll show you.

(And how that large bare patch in your lawn in the shape of a giant chicken wing got there.)

 

*******

 

Anticipatory Apology Blueberry Muffins 

Makes a dozen

 

1 1/2 cups cake flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1/2 teaspoon salt

 

1 cup sugar

1 cup sour cream

1 egg

1/2 cup vegetable oil

1 teaspoon almond extract

 

1 pint fresh blueberries (They’re your new neighbors, make a good impression and splurge on fresh berries, for goodness sake.)

Turbinado sugar, if desired

 

1.) Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Sift together cake flour, baking powder, and salt in a medium bowl. Reserve 1 Tablespoon and toss over blueberries in another small bowl. Set both aside.

2.) Whisk together sugar, sour cream, oil, egg and almond extract. Slowly add the dry ingredients and stir until just combined. Gently fold in blueberries.

3.) Line a muffin tin with papers and fill each with the batter evenly. Sprinkle each with a healthy sprinkle of turbinado sugar before putting in the oven.

4.) Bake for 20-25 minutes. Deliver to new neighbor. No mention of highjacked wifi needed.

 

©2013 Tracey Henry