The 4th of July--the greatest anthropological holiday of the year.
As primitive man sought fire; evolved man seeks fireworks.
Under the cover of darkness grunting fiercely, a group of prehistoric pyromaniacs (who possessed functioning cerebellums on July 3rd) are gathered around some unlabeled cylinder trying to locate the fuse. Their contraband has been absconded from "this buddy of mine who gets all the confiscated illegal fireworks," as every clan seems to have one of these elusive characters amongst them. The Zippo they bring serves not only the incendiary device, but also as the inadequate torch further rendering the process more insidious and archaic.
Next, there is a sudden warning cry to the younger members to seek shelter followed by some inaudible curses. The remaining elders will only back-up about 12 inches from certain death as the farther the retreat denotes the lesser amount of raw testosterone pumping through his veins. The mysterious orb stutters, then spurts out a plume of fire and explosives that sets off every car alarm and dog bark in the neighborhood.
There are deceiving pauses in between detonations, which confuses, but does not deter the males from venturing closer to inspect the smoldering embers which seem to explode randomly. It... Continue Reading >> | 
